On April 26th, so a little more than 2 weeks ago, I tweeted the following: I have decided to adapt into my "international" blog the more personal texts I wrote in my original blog (in Portuguese) about my mental issues that lead to a serious burnout (and more) because #MentalHealthMatters.
And today I finally completed the adaptation (I use this verb because it is not a simple translation of word by word, I need to adapt expressions and styles) of the 7 texts I published last year on my mental struggle experience.
There was another reason I wasn't fully certain yet when I tweeted my decision; that I struggled still until very recently even though last year I thought I was fine, and being aware of the issues and have tools to fight back, I still felt bad again after some weeks of vacation in Portugal.
I now realise this last down feeling period is more to do with the so-called mid life crisis and my realisation that I wasn't actually happy with my work, that I felt underused and not living up to my capabilities. So as I shared on LinkedIn, I decided to join The Great Resignation movement and once I took that decision I started feeling better again.
But it is a reminder that mental health is an ever going thing; we cannot stop caring about it. Of course many of us won't struggle with it constantly, or regularly, but if we don't take care of having an animus sana we will suffer from it, one way or the other. If we don't care, we might end up in a Fucked state like I was during 2020 and even after recovering and apparently being OK we can have a relapse, or several. I had already described a relapse I experienced in 2020 that was really bad, but now I'm admitting I was on the path for another one in 2021 although now I realised what was the cause and what I needed to do (come to the conclusion there is no point in maintaining a job that seems good, cool and it's a "safe" thing, and take the chance to take the time to find something that really fits your needs and offers you what you need).
And today I finally completed the adaptation (I use this verb because it is not a simple translation of word by word, I need to adapt expressions and styles) of the 7 texts I published last year on my mental struggle experience.
There was another reason I wasn't fully certain yet when I tweeted my decision; that I struggled still until very recently even though last year I thought I was fine, and being aware of the issues and have tools to fight back, I still felt bad again after some weeks of vacation in Portugal.
I now realise this last down feeling period is more to do with the so-called mid life crisis and my realisation that I wasn't actually happy with my work, that I felt underused and not living up to my capabilities. So as I shared on LinkedIn, I decided to join The Great Resignation movement and once I took that decision I started feeling better again.
But it is a reminder that mental health is an ever going thing; we cannot stop caring about it. Of course many of us won't struggle with it constantly, or regularly, but if we don't take care of having an animus sana we will suffer from it, one way or the other. If we don't care, we might end up in a Fucked state like I was during 2020 and even after recovering and apparently being OK we can have a relapse, or several. I had already described a relapse I experienced in 2020 that was really bad, but now I'm admitting I was on the path for another one in 2021 although now I realised what was the cause and what I needed to do (come to the conclusion there is no point in maintaining a job that seems good, cool and it's a "safe" thing, and take the chance to take the time to find something that really fits your needs and offers you what you need).
So, after this new admittance that served as secondary introductions, I now share the English version of my Mental Health chronicles/dissertations/confidences from last year, with additional info for context.
You should read them chronologically, but some are not all that important, just additional information and some stuff I needed to get out of the system or just wanted to share with everyone.
To me the ones that better describe the situation are:
To me the ones that better describe the situation are:
- The Phantom Menace - This is a record where I express my feelings, where I open the book and describe the bad moments that I've gone through in the previous 2 years (from May 2021).
- So what's my diagnosis or condition/disorder anyway? - Title is self-explanatory and this is relevant for Mental Health. It also describes the different steps of getting help and importantly how can the wrong help screw you up even further.
- Annus horribilis in XII imaginibus - This is kind of a review of the year 2020. Interesting of knowing and might provide additional context but not really as important as the other 2, although this was my second text about the burnout and mental issues.
The following 4 texts are not so important, but there was the first that opened the window to start talking about it, then I had to vent about a period of my life and the other 2 I think are interesting in sharing because even though are specific to me, people might find similar indicators or techniques:
- A Whole New World - Describes a moment when I started getting back control of myself.
- I sincerely wish you go f**k yourselves - I had to vent about the frustration that was working for a couple of guys that aggravated my mental issues (no problem with the company though). I like to be open and honest but I've come to realise that public texts such as these can come back and bite you in the ass as I'm sure these same people costed my a job offer this year...
- Indicators of my state of mind - Title is self-explanatory but basically is why I noticed that my social media activity can be used to identify in which state of my mental health am I. Could be useful for others that act in a similar way.
- Music is a balm - Also something I realised about using an hobby (if you can call it like that) to make you feel better, and how it actually makes it worse if you drop it when you start feeling down.
So there you go, what I have to say, for now, about mental health and my specific experience.
I'm convinced this is a theme that I'll revisit regularly and actually if I do it, it will help me from going back into these dark corners...
PS - The top image is a combination of portrait photos I had on my phone, one for each month since May 2021. I wanted to have a selfie but I didn't take one every month. And in September 2021 I took not a single photo apparently (this shows I wasn't feeling well) so I used a Skeletor meme I downloaded and shared at that time, that is actually quite relevant to this. I thought I needed to give the explanation for this.
I'm convinced this is a theme that I'll revisit regularly and actually if I do it, it will help me from going back into these dark corners...
PS - The top image is a combination of portrait photos I had on my phone, one for each month since May 2021. I wanted to have a selfie but I didn't take one every month. And in September 2021 I took not a single photo apparently (this shows I wasn't feeling well) so I used a Skeletor meme I downloaded and shared at that time, that is actually quite relevant to this. I thought I needed to give the explanation for this.
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