Easter is now for me a conflicting period

It was 3 years ago, in 2019, that I realised that I shouldn't classify myself as a catholic, not even a christian. It was in April that I was going through a period of freedom, and that makes sense since April for us Portuguese is the month of freedom (the Carnation Revolution that ended 48 years of authoritarian dictatorship) and so I decided to get free of my religion. No longer believing in a God (which I had doubts ever since my teenage years), not even an higher power, also already convinced since some years before that the resurrection of Christ was a political decision, it made no sense to continue celebrating religious festivities. Of course, I had more than 30 years of being a catholic and all the cultural tradition of Easter so this is why I'm still conflicted when the Holy Week arrives.

Cogitation in the Time of War #26 - I want(ed) to do more

I've never considered myself one of those people who are ready to jump on top of things and act, but after my volunteering experience, and after noticing my natural reaction to requests for help (sometimes from people I barely know), I think I'm not so passive and indifferent after all. And I never thought I was courageous, even thinking I'm a coward in several frightening situations (although fear is what keeps us safe, when fear doesn't paralyze us, at least).

But since the war in Ukraine started, I've had a feeling of powerlessness, because one thing I believe I always had inside me is that strong sentiment that there comes a time when you have to do something,  to stand up to someone, that you have to get up and be willing to receive the hits but also deliver them. And that's how I've felt since February, 24th. It was almost like a revelation; what awoke in me was a feeling that we were witnessing a crucial moment in our history, something very similar to the invasion of Poland by Nazi Germany, a moment that could bring the return of dark times all over Europe. And I have 2 small children, the last thing I want is for them to have to go through a period and live in a world that is worse than the one I've lived in so far, because if there's one thing I really believe, it's that we always have to aspire for better and more.

Cogitation in the Time of War #25 - Enough with this surrender talk

After finally completing my long take on the (a little more than) 1 month of Putin's Invasion of Ukraine I was ready to start talking less about geo-political and more about the humanitarian side. This was after a conversation (via messaging) with a Polish published writer and journalist that actually has family roots in Ukraine, because it is more relevant to talk about something that really relate to us instead of making all these high level analyses and thoughts, when I don't have the proper experience for that. As the ones that know me for some time are aware, I spend a lot of time studying subjects and always have a strong opinion that I want to share. And although they are not many, there is also those who count on me to keep them up to date in this complicated issues, so I feel the responsibility to continue sharing about what is happening. But in an attempt to avoid misunderstanding, as these texts of mine are my opinion and only my own, most of the times written throughout the day and completed when I'm lying in my couch or bed, I wanted to try and bring less convoluted subjects and stick to what is more important, the basic thing, the one that all of us can relate to: the human suffering.

And all of the sudden the weekend came and all hell broke loose! Russians retreated from the Northwest and Northeast of Kyiv and most of us were hit by a punch to the stomach, when we realised that the human suffering was way worse than we thought!

Cogitation in the Time of War #21 - It began 1 month ago

Just throwing a curve ball here to let you guys know there's (at least) one video on YouTube "showing evidences" that the aliens 👽 are helping Ukraine because they are attacking Russian equipment and troops.

And if you decide to engage in that discussion, please notice that the term UFO is no longer used by officials nor the scientific community, now it's UAP (Unidentified Aerial Phenomena).

As made famous by that TV show from the 90s with a pair of FBI agents: I want to believe...

Cogitation in the Time of War #15 - Lying Lavrov

To summarize, and attempt to make sense, of some of things officially said by Russia, in particular by Lying Lavrov and his diplomatic staff located all over the world.

Russia DIDN'T ATTACK Ukraine, it is a "special military operation" after all, and it "operated" for the following reasons:

Cogitation in the Time of War #8 - A meme, a summary and a personal thought

The image above is a new Russian meme, apparently doing the rounds in Moscow. Part of the photo widely shared all over the world, with Puting meeting his top 2 generals (Defense Minister and Chief of the General Staff) but them sitting opposite ends of the (extremely) long table

This is a translation of the text (since I don't know Russian nor cyrillic) to English:

- "You are sitting closer to him. Hit [the fuck out of] him with something."

- "Hit him with what, from 20 meters?"

But day #8 of Putin's Invasion of Ukraine is gone and I'm just sharing some thoughts before going to bed.

The Phantom Menace

This record that you'll read next was supposed to be a long expression of my feelings, and part of my ongoing therapy, a record where I open the book and describe the bad moments that I've gone through in the last 2 years. But I wasn't planning on sharing this now but while writing another chronicle regarding my psychic diagnosis I started telling the story since the beginning of this "situation" and I was already a few paragraphs long. So I used the Separate & Clarify technique and since this is the last day of Star Wars Week (the 10th still counts) here it goes:

Indicators of my state of mind

My plan since the beginning of March was to finally start with the thread of chronicle-dissertations about the months when I was sick (the burnout but not only) describing my condition/disorder/syndrome that has affected me since ever and will continue to affect forever. This was because after some months in therapy I was finally going to go through a neuropsychological evaluation with the objective of confirming my suspicions.

But the therapist responsible for that, that I can say is my favourite therapist, not because she's the one that advises me the nest but because she is less than 30 yo and those who know me are aware that I love talking with young people, in particular women (and if they're good looking...), has yet to conclude our discussion on the report and so I still don't know what are the next proposed steps (and I need to convince her that I should go through additional evaluations).

So for this reason here's another text that demonstrates how is it possible to check in what state I am by simply checking my activity online, on the social media (and those who keep closer in touch, can better confirm).

I sincerely wish you go f**k yourselves

It's probably the third time I use this image in social media posts, and I know I used it in blog post before. This time the gesture is dedicated to a trio of people that were part of my life (mostly the work aspect of it) in 2019-20. That trio was referenced before in my other blog, when I was blowing up some steam (here, last paragraph and also here) and has it happens frequently when I start writting something, I was convinced that I had already shared my opinions and frustrations in a more direct and thorough way, but now I can't find any of that; or I shared that in a different social network or in direct talks with someone (and that it's for sure, and I even believe it was with more than one person).

But now I'm going to be blunt: the middle fingers are for the three stooges that pushed me down with lies, that made my doubt my own capabilities, that in spite the nice words and the company values (that I know were followed by most of the people that worked there) didn't give me one chance let alone a second one, to show my worth, even though I did show it in the second half of my tenure...

Using an expression an old colleague from Portugal taught me: I sincerely wish you go fuck yourselves!

There is no failure except in no longer trying

The actual state of this blog is a reflection of my failures to achieve the so called "world domination" at least of the cyber community.
The plan was so simple, write my witty remarks and strange dissertations in English so they would reach a wider audience, and hopefully more people in the world would discover my brilliance.

Because I try to push too many wagons at the same time, I cannot continue to cover some subjects as regularly as I thought. For instance I started commenting on the 2015 F1 season but only wrote 2 articles.
And then I noticed my so-called brilliance was lacking. At least some years ago.